Paranoia

I am sorry..truly I am.

  

I don't know when I started to change into this envious person. I was never this person before this and now it seems that you keep seeing me in this state and I hate myself for it.

                                 

I used to be cool about it, I didn't give much thought of who was with and where. Naive they called me, too nice or just too damn blond to notice or even take a hint of what was happening and what happened scarred me for life.

I have taken away a valuable lesson from what has happened, but it also left me insecure and paranoid. I have no other reason explaining why I am like this. I have no ill will against anyone despite these feelings, I just need to know history won't repeat itself because I don't think I can handle a second wave of heartache if anything happened. 

Paranoid, I know.  And I am really sorry for everything.